Are you flirting with the idea of change?

What’s the shiny object that captivates your attention?

Staring.
Gazing.
Dancing around with the thought of what could be, toying with the concept...but nothing substantial adopted or achieved?

Are you flirting with the idea of achieving change but never actually doing it?

This is a story and concept that fits painfully into the space between creating the goal or new year’s resolution and then letting go of the same idea (usually by early Feb), are you there yet?

Think about it.

Staring at the gym from the car park as you drive past on the way to the shops, thinking about the facilities, will not get you fit nor make the changes to your health that you wish for. You have to actually walk in and get to work… You then need to stick with it to achieve the change you seek. 

Just because you have consumed a self help book or this blog does not equate to doing any of the actual work required to hold what you want. Difficult and magical things are forged in the fire of challenge and they are the only things that will lead you to the fulfilment and personal achievement you’re seeking.

But why, oh why does change not stick?

We all know somewhere in our minds the things we should do, 
the things we should not; and 
the goals we are choosing to achieve, 
so WHY does this fail with such frequency?

From my time spent coaching people, one of the biggest reasons if not THE biggest is people get attached to the final goal and the concept of the achievement at the end of the road. The thought of magic has captivated their thoughts but not their heart in a way that lasts.

I believe for sustained success, people should be focusing on setting out to achieve qualities, values, beliefs and a way of life that leads them along the path towards a bigger accomplishment. This then ensures that the changes are for the long run and motivation stays internal and is not attached to an external vision.

Take this a step further. Your validation and gratitude is tied to you, controlled by you and is for you. None of it is impacted by another that exists from the outside world.

When we have the ability to truly stick to the only thing we can somewhat control (which is us), we have more chances to succeed.

So what should you focus on to keep going?

My biggest tip is to not just focus on a BIG GOAL or dare I call it “resolution”.

I often discuss SMART (Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Relevant, Timebound) goals with my clients as this is important to be able to articulate clarity - what we are setting out to do - and a finish line but this only happens after doing some work with them related to their beliefs and values. The steering narrative of the bigger picture if you will.

The thing, in my opinion, you should follow and forge are qualities you wish to represent in your life and that will lead you forward to the places you wish to be… not fixating solely on a singular goal that has shelf life or used-by date. 

If it is a way of living, this will lead you in the right direction as opposed to what you may be doing now which is battling the universe to achieve one single goal that very well might lead to short-term happiness but little long-term fulfillment.

We also know that there is really powerful science behind the reasons why using external rewards as the primary internal driver can be an issue in the long run. When we attach dopamine (the internal chemical our body uses to feel good after a win = reward) to external factors; it is a recipe for running out of fuel and being left short of the mark. 

Instead, what you should seek is being able to use your forward motion as emotion to drive forward and have your reward system attached to the growth you are making as a person, not the outside immediate accomplishment.

You are not the outdated version that will fail you

The other danger that exists when trying to make the change we seek is that we can get wrapped up in the old story, the story from last year, the old model, the one without the system updates. Or the one that just gives up when we think there is only 10% battery left, on the way to the goal… with the excuse that something better has come along, when in-fact it’s only the easier solution that has surfaced.

This all goes back to habits.

In many of my previous blogs, I say that behaviour and habits form when Prompt + Ability and Motivation come together. But if I believe this to be true, then why does it sometimes fall away when you get off the couch into the real world?

Well when we have Stress + Uncertainty and Challenge we revert back to the easiest program for our minds to run and that is often the oldest one we have, the one that was built up over many years of events and happenings. Duration + Path + Outcome is what our brains attempts to work out and that is what starts this ball rolling.

So, HOT TIP:

You need to find within your practice of changing the opportunity to experience stress + uncertainty and challenge because if you can stick with your new habits, qualities and values when faced with this....we know these are more likely to stick when times are good.

In conclusion, DON’T be a flirt!

In the end though, it is about commitment. It is about going with it and taking the step to make the change you are flirting with, and turn it into a reality of life. Don’t forget motion creates emotion and when you throw yourself into the task, focusing on the internal reasons why, things have a habit of sticking like powerful glue.

If you find yourself lost in your own mind thinking about what you want to achieve, begin with just getting out of the chair and take the smallest first step towards the change you seek… [REPEAT] motion creates your emotion. Then when your emotion is engaged, you can then go with the qualities you wish to represent which will carry you forward.

Ultimately, it is just about beginning and engaging with the internal reason, belief and values of why the change should no longer be just a flirtation but a sensation to be felt over and over again for many years to come. 

Don’t be a flirt...be the real deal to close out January and fly into February committed to a new way of life, not just a goal.

And if you need help to figure it all out, as always, I am here for a free 30min chat. You’ve got nothing to lose, let’s get you on the right path.