The male ego’s inevitable fall from grace
What is ego?
We talk about ego and pride, but sometimes, people confuse the two when they are in fact, very different. For someone whose ego is inflated, it is their sense of their own worth. They believe they are to be very valuable, they like to feel very important.
Where does ego come from?
We often associate ego to behaviours and attitudes displayed by the male population. In all stereotypes’ glory, women don’t have as large egos as men because they are more humble, understanding, compassionate, less ‘set in their ways’.
So where does the male ego really start to form?
It has been spoken about time and time again that as young children, boys are conditioned to feel empowered, in control of the situation and look out for people who are weaker than them. They are the protectors… so much of the time they are being built up to be strong and brave. When they achieve this, those around them provide praise and build them up even more.
In some cases, boys or men are taught to feel superior because they are male in general. Yes, because they have been ‘blessed’ with penises at birth, they somehow develop a feeling of superiority.
Yet, the male ego is often referred to as a negative trait. In one of my most popular articles to date, Hey there, I think you might be a narcissist, I touch on that leading to more serious personality disorders.
In truth, the male ego never stands the test of time
Feeling of superiority, that sounds amazing! Anyone who would walk around feeling like this would exude confidence, power, own the room and achieve great things. So you’d think… but it’s not always the case.
When the notion of being superior, flawless and even close to perfect is introduced along with the need to win and be unchallenged at absolutely everything (no matter what), crumbles and reveals that it’s not actually a realistic expectation to have… the male ego kicks in.
From childhood, a man’s self-worth is frequently connected with their (physical) abilities and that ultimately gets tied to their success. It’s why so many men struggle with failing in general and why, at some stage of their lives, when their physical skills start to diminish they cannot fathom their place in the world anymore.
Where can it all go wrong for men with ego?
Ego gets in the way.
It takes you in the wrong direction.
It clouds your view of reality.
You become impulsive and reckless and not worried about the fallout around you.
And guess what, you realise that working your shit out by yourself just won’t work any longer.
The common thread with men that I coach and their ego
Their ego is playing a massive part in their life, sometimes subtle… sometimes overt.
Not to say that having an ego and higher than average levels of self-esteem is not ok, one’s ego (in check) can actually be a driving force.
But if the male ego is about self-worth then the question needs to be asked: where do you really get your self-worth from right now?
Is it by being better than others?
Do you need to put others down, to build yourself up?
Do you need to ensure your partner understands that you are the one that is the centre of the family? The most important member?
Passage from “A return to love”
“The ego is like a gravitational force field, built up over eons of fearful thinking, which draws us away from the love in our hearts. The ego is our mental power turned against ourselves.It is clever, like we are, and smooth talking, like we are, and manipulative, like we are. The ego doesn’t come up and say “Hi, I’m your self-loathing.” It’s not stupid, because we’re not.Rather, it says things like, “Hi, I’m your adult, mature, rational self. I’ll help you look out for number one”Then it proceeds to counsel us to look out for ourselves, at the expense of others. It teaches us selfish-ness, greed, judgement, and small-mindedness. But remember, there’s only one of us here: what we give to others, we give to ourselves. What we withhold from others, we withhold from ourselves.” — Marianne Deborah Williamson
Why are men’s egos so fragile and 9 things you can do if your ego is running wild in you
Check yourself is the absolute first place to start!
Take inventory - what do you think makes you who you are?
Take honest reflection - what is my view of me, compared to others?
There is nothing wrong with loving yourself, we all should be kind to ourselves but this is about “Do I pull others down to build myself up?”Understand - when and where the ego drives your actions? Is it in certain situations, places or with particular people?
Ask yourself - why do I allow my ego to direct my actions?
Reflect - how is my ego helping or hindering me?
Ponder - is my ego expanding my opportunity to be great in this moment or diminishing it?
Be honest - is my need to be right, to win, to dominate and be superior, present here?
Be clear - am I trying to control something or someone?
Then get deeper, asking:
If my self-worth is not defined by my accomplishment nor being purely a male, then where am I getting it from?
Put into practice
Having empathy for others
Connecting with what makes you great that is not tied to an accomplishment
Adopting a beginners mindset and embrace not knowing it all
Thinking twice about how can you succeed without winning
Connecting with significant things such as nature, we really are very very small
Saying thank you and meaning it
You might be special, you might be great… but is that yesterday’s news?
Men choosing change live better lives.
Is it time to stop holding onto the vision of who you are, driven by a deep rooter male ego, if it actually holds you back from being amazing tomorrow?
Your male ego didn’t lead you to great things, YOU did.
There is so much more in you. You just need to define it.
If after reading this you believe your male ego is impacting your life in a negative way then I recommend exploring my group life coaching program for men.
Note: If you can’t see it in the shop, it means it’s running at the moment.
The purpose of this group life coaching program for men is to learn to respond versus react to all challenges that life throws at you; along with developing healthy and happy behaviours that align with your values. To respond with logic, not emotions.
