What to do when anger takes over
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I can’t control my anger. That’s BS!
This article is going to be really useful if you ever find yourself reacting angrily to situations, whatever they may be, leaving you feeling really crap about how you've handled that and wondering why that just keeps happening without a clue on how to stop it.
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Do you remember that guy throwing a hissy fit in his car… tooting the horn, swearing and arms flapping about?
Do you think you look different during your own personalised hissy fits?
How about your boss, losing their sh1t… veins popping? Control gone.
Have you ever done something similar to your team? Worse yet, to your family?
What about that 4 year old, rolling around on the floor, overcome with their big feelings and emotions they cannot yet physically and emotionally deal with?
Are you any different?
Maybe you're not.
Look, the real question here is; even if your tantrum, hissy fit or meltdown [whatever you want to call it] was different to others, what does it actually fix in the end?
9 out of 10 times, I’d say absolutely nothing.
If anything, you are left heated, embarrassed, overwhelmed and emotional, with those around you in a low spot. With the problem you began with still needing to be addressed.
Sure, sometimes little frustrations build… and build… AND BUILD until anger feels like the only option possible. So you let it rip!
But exploding and losing your focus, poise and control trying to fix a situation.
Now, that's BS!
B is for Behaviours
This whole ‘throw a tantrum’ routine (because that’s what it is, a routine or prepared show) may well have begun years ago. It might have started when you were a child and the temper tantrum resulted in your parents giving in to your demands.
It possibly has worked in your adult life up until this point too but is it really the way forward?
What an angry response is really all about:
A sense of being wronged?
The feeling of the outcome you wanted slipping away?
The vision for what this situation should look like in your mind being trampled?
Maybe it is that you are so self-absorbed that you must always get your own way, not because you are trying to uphold a high standard… it’s just because your time is more important, your opinion matters most and everyone else has to be second to your wants and desire to be first.
C'mon, that's real BS!
S is for Strategies
I presume that we can all agree that anger serves no purpose unless it is a matter of life and death and it fuels you to do the most incredible things that help you work towards a great outcome.
So, if it serves little or no purpose and you are sick of it being in your kit bag, try this:
Grab a journal
Make a list of all the things that make you angry on a regular basis and how you respond to them.
On that list, make note of what is warranted or justified. If it is justified in your mind, why is it?
Assess and write down what you think your strategy is when you get angry.
From here, reflect and ask yourself
How can I articulate my concerns/frustrations better?
Look at your original list and create your ideal response.How can I change my perspective in these moments?
If you feel like something is being taken away, can you look at this as an opportunity to grow in the situation?When the anger is rising, what ritual spoken or physical can I do to shift my emotional state and regain control?
Pause and think
If someone not having their facts right really pushes your buttons and this leads you to an outburst of anger then picture a different time in your life.
Can you connect with an incredible time, a safe place? A moment of joy…
Parting thoughts
I would like to leave you with this, pushing down an emotion like anger and covering up/denying the reason why this is occurring in you, will not serve a long lasting purpose.
It is important to not only do the work to uncover what you will do in challenging times but it may even be more important to understand how you actually get there in the first place.
When you can do that, you can move past a bandaid measure and create real, lasting change.
There is a cause to your anger, find it, take back control and begin to change your story forever. You can be more, I know you can.
Someone else said about this
“ Speak when you are angry and make the best speech you’ll ever regret.” Ambrose Brierce
“Where there is anger, there is always pain underneath.” Eckhart Tolle
Anger is a b**ch! We can all get there so quickly but it's a learned unhelpful behaviour that can be unlearned too. And I hope you can.
If you need help with anything, check out my coaching programs or let’s chat.
PS: have you read this blog Men, working your shit out by yourselves, doesn't work ?
PPS: unmanaged anger can lead to serious issues, if this article has caused thoughts in you that you may have a bigger anger problem, there is plenty of information and resources out there. Please seek professional help.
Love it, discuss it, share it #thatsbs
