How to speak your truth and be heard
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I can’t speak my truth. I don’t feel heard and that’s BS!
Through my 1:1 coaching conversations with people, they often talk to me about their inability to speak up, find their voice. Sometimes it's at work but more likely though, that occurs in other parts of life, in romantic relationships, with family members...
As humans, we want to be heard, contribute, belong and be part of our community. Without the ability to speak your truth and find your voice to be heard, it is a failed attempt to fulfil these deep rooted human core values. And you know what comes next, don't you?
This article will provide practical tips to those who struggle with finding their voice and/or have fallen into a self-silencing pattern. The time has come to speak your truth again...
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Time and time again, I hear "I want to be listened to." "Actually no, I just want to be heard and understood."
They phrase it like "My partner won’t allow me to speak my truth." or "He/she simply doesn’t hear me."
Or, even further, "I feel like I have no voice in my own home."
But is that really what it is?
Yes, some relationships are toxic and indeed partners can look to hold the other person down by controlling their words, which in turn, controls their thoughts.
However, often it’s an individual sacrificing themselves because they can’t or more likely won’t speak up to share their truth. Maybe because they have grown accustomed to keeping it in.
Sacrificing each time. In each moment of silence… more confidence in themselves disappears into their own shadow.
Giving up on the possibility of a better situation because they have simply lost their voice, their truth, and most likely feel like there is no way to bring it back.
Now, that's BS!
B is for Behaviours
Assuming this is you. Why don’t you speak your truth?
General anxiety has taken over?
Fear that sharing will start conflict?
Low in confidence and self-esteem?
No role model to learn the behaviour?
Cultural or gender roles?
Regardless of the why… What do you think happens when you don’t speak your truth?
It becomes a cycle. A cycle where you recognise that you are doing it (again), feel bad for not speaking up and then sink deeper and deeper, further away from what you know you need to do.
Do you often say "Hey [insert partner’s name] I need to share…"
My personal priorities?
My views about the kids?
My unhappiness in the relationship?
My thoughts on the family?
My need for personal time to look after myself?
My need for them to help more around the house?
My ideas and plan for the future?
OR have you ever said... "Look, I just need you to shut up, stop trying to fix the situation and actually hear me."
In relationships, particularly, not speaking your trust leads to the feeling of "I have no say" and "I am not heard".
Over many years, this can lead to resentment and dysfunction, relationship breakdown, etc.
The ripple effect is that you end up with two people on completely different pages, reading from different scripts. With each individual expecting or hoping that everything will sort itself out magically, by itself.
C'mon, that's real BS!
S is for Strategies
Do the brave thing and speak your truth
First of all, if you are struggling to find your voice, know that it’s ok. It’s really common.
Also know that, if in the past you were once able to speak your truth and use your voice, then the learned habit of not doing so can be unlearned with deliberate and purposeful actions.
Speaking your truth doesn’t always have to be about convincing the other person of what you are saying, it’s far more important to convince yourself that you truly have the ability to say what you need to say. Regardless of the outcome.
So, HOW to speak your truth and be heard
Let’s start with identifying what is holding you back from using your authentic voice.
What is the story you are playing over and over again that is creating the (alleged) valid reason in your mind to stay silent?
From there, let’s get into creating momentum towards the new you who can speak their truth:
Find a routine that gives you confidence that you can speak your truth.
Write a list of where you struggle to speak your truth or with whom.
Practice how you wish to use your voice in those moments.
Write out what you need to specifically say.
What needs to be shared right now vs what you want to share (sometimes they can be very different).
Be clear on the purpose of the conversation. Reduce the fluff and vagueness.
Be firm but fair.
Stay calm and patient.
Know your boundaries.
Be prepared to say no.
Set the commitment to yourself to use your voice and speak your truth, even when doubt creeps in.
Connect with how speaking your truth and being heard will change your life for the better.
It’s time, use the voice you were born with and stop being a passenger in your life… we only do this thing once.
Someone else said about this
“ Speak the truth even if your voice shakes.” Anonymous
As always, I'm more than happy to help if that is something you're struggling with and want to work on. Don't forget that at any stage, you can book a free chat with me - no pressure, no commitment.
Love it, discuss it, share it #thatsbs
