Self-Esteem, Values and Healing Steps (Podcast)

Listen to Luke’s conversation with host, Larisa Dalton, on Diaries of a life coach podcast as they talk about many topics that had them both thinking out loud:

• Feelings of unworthiness, low self-esteem and self confidence

• What it is to be growing each and every day in our own story of life facing our fears and doubts; and

• Why our worthiness is so important to hold onto

• Actionable advice on how to make changes in life.

Thank you for listening. As usual, you thoughts and opinions matter to me so if you’d like to reach out, please do so on my social channels below or via email at coach@lukefenwick.com.

More on Dairies of a life coach Podcast

A life coaching business building journey talking about everything from selecting an accounting software, building a clientele to coaching experiences, discoveries and transformations.
Starting from scratch, host Larisa shares the steps she took to creating her company, including her website and her podcast. Along with the challenges in each one of these steps, tips, wins and losses.
Instagram @larisa_dalton
Website larisadalton.com

Listen to the podcast on Spotify

+ Podcast transcript

Diaries of a life coach with Larisa Dalton & Luke Fenwick(Podcast)

Unknown Speaker 0:01
Welcome to another episode of diaries of a life coach. My name is Larissa Dalton, and I'm your host. This podcast documents a journey of building a life coaching business, where I talk about the steps we as life coaches take to create a company build clientele, coaching experiences, discoveries and transformations. As you may hear a little bit in my voice, I'm a little bit I sound a little bit sick, maybe.

Luke Fenwick 0:32
But we have crazy allergies here in Georgia. And today, I made my special elixir that's made out of lemon, honey and ginger. And it's it's already helped, but it helped a lot of people with allergies. So check out on my Instagram again. Look how I made that but I'm excited to have my guest today who is called Luke Fenwick. He is my first male guest. And he's also a fellow podcaster Lucozade possible hosts a podcast called two dads. And I'm gonna have Luke introduce himself a little bit and tell us a little bit about, you know, the the life coach, he's a life impact coach. So tell us a little bit about the kind of coach we are what you do. And tell us a little bit about your, about your podcast.

Thank you for having me on. It's a pleasure. I did see your Instagram feed this morning when you're chopping up the ginger. And I'm going to try that for sure. I certainly suffer from allergies and itchy eyes and all those kinds of things. And I just love ginger, too. So yeah, so thank you for having me on. It's a pleasure to pleasure to be here and always happy to talk a little bit about, you know, what I do and how I help him. And yeah, I call myself a life impact coach, there's all kinds of different life coaches out there. But for me, I'm looking to make that impact in people's life by, you know, whatever strategy is necessary, you know, how do I find information from experts within those fields from around the planet and share that information and knowledge with the client that I that I might be working with whether they might have relationship issues, or they might have finance issues, or it might just be around? They don't have healthy habits in their lives? So how do I find that information to make an impact for them? And it's really also about people coming to me and saying, I'm just not happy with the story that I'm creating in my life. You know, I'm not happy with the legacy that I'm creating. And, you know, that's where we kind of start, you know, who are you? What are you trying to create? And then we go from there. And that's really what I tried to spend, you know, time with people focusing on that. That's the goal.

Yeah. Okay. Nice. Sounds a little bit of accent.

No, no, actually, I actually get this often. I'm not sure what accent it is, you know, I'm Australian, I've always lived in Australia. I've moved around a lot. Here. I've certainly traveled overseas, but nothing to the point where I might have. I've got an accent, but I really don't know where it comes from. You're not the first to say, you know, where is that accent from? I don't know. I don't know. For sure. Well, it's definitely a definitely Australian accent. Yeah. But so you're coming from Australia. And you said it's already Thursday there. Because it's still Wednesday back here. Yeah, it's Thursday morning. It's 10 past nine. Now, we're heading into autumn we've had some really kind of wild weather here of late some parts of Australia have had terrible amounts of rain, which has caused all kinds of issues and flooding and whatnot on down in Melbourne, which is the south east part of Australia. And usually we have the really bad cold wet weather, but we haven't really got to that point yet. Usually, usually August you know, it's cold, you know, June, July, August. It's really cold and windy. We don't get snow here unless you're up in the Alpine so it's not as bad as some areas of the states or UK and whatnot. But yeah, that's where I'm at. and nine o'clock in the morning and off we go.

Yeah, man, I still have to sleep to get there. Tomorrow. Yeah. So, um, you so it's by your description of the people that you help. It seems like you have a broad broad variety of people.

Do you find that your clients are more international or are they more Aussie clients and how do you identify your clients?

Yeah, so it's a bit of a mixed bag. I certainly when I first started I think I had more international clients. I had some people in Germany, UK, the states and have later really moved to more Australian based are not coaching anybody at this very moment. That's internationally. A few kind of finished up that three or four weeks ago, actually, and he was over in Ireland, so for me at the moment, it's a really even spread of men versus women. When I first started launching the business, I thought, okay, my target market is going to be men, naturally, I'm a man thinking, you know, I'd connect more, but it certainly hasn't been that way. It's, you know, it's a real, as I said, even spread men, women, and it's people that are just saying, you know, maybe not satisfied with where life is at at the moment. And I talk a lot about legacy and habits, you know, my big thing is around how do I create tiny, powerful habits with people in order to get to their, you know, point in life where they're starting to be happy with the story they're creating around their legacy sites? That's my pace, you know, fulfilling legacy? And how do I connect with them in all kinds of different mediums, I'm fortunate enough that I've worked in some really big corporate roles over time. So my network is, is vast. So I've got a lot of clients that come from that I'm building a database as well that go where people kind of jump onto the website, and then you know, into details where they can subscribe and give me a walk or whether or not at some of the other stuff. And all of that kind of comes from that ecosystem. And a little bit from social media as well, but certainly, certainly not a lot. If we're talking about, you know, the business and how I'm growing. And I use social media more as a, you know, proof of concept more than anything else. He's key messaging. This is a little bit about the brand. This is what's kind of going on in my life in a small degree. I've certainly done more of that recently, now that, you know, we've had a little girl arrived, you know, a few days ago. Yeah, thank you. I was a bit more active with that. But usually social media is around just, you know, messaging communication more so than business development, if that's the kind of words you might want to use.

So that's interesting that you say that you kind of coach half and half almost, do you see that men and women have similar sort of challenges? I mean, legacies kind of like it's neutral, sort of Cabot's is, is kind of a neutral concept. But in terms of maybe chat or struggles that women and men face?

Yeah, it's a really good question. I think we all have our own self consciousness, and we all have our own fears and doubts. And a lot of those are not dissimilar, but certainly come from different spaces, most men seem to me seemed to come to me talking about that, they are finding that they are not handling stress and pressure, how they thought they would, maybe not engaging with their family how they thought they would, and that's a lot of a lot of what is driving them. And usually, you know, ladies will come to me, and they're saying conduct I just don't have may be confident in myself. And that that is then impacting how I go about my day to day. And that seems to be the really big difference there. I think more than men are focusing on that family pace, and them not delivering versus the expectation that they might have had when they were growing up in their, you know, 20s, and 30s, and so on and so forth.

Yeah, that's very interesting that you've actually brought this up, because I've been recently focusing with my clients. And I see that, and this has been an issue for me, I too, came from a corporate world about half, I'm sorry, a year ago, I lost my job, corporate job. Yes. And so I went through, like, you know, this whole process of relinquishing that identity and kind of creating the new one, and I realized at that time, and even, you know, to this day, I'm still working on that, but that my identity was highly tied to my company to, to that organization, you know, I was the company, the company was me. After I lost that job, people asked me what I do, and I was like, I don't know what I do anymore. I mean, I make meals for maybe my family, you know, go grocery shopping, read books, you know, go to the Mount, I don't I don't know, like, and so, um, so I started, you know, doing a lot of research and studying and, and I'm also you know, you know, pretty good connection of women, you know, also through my social different social networks, like my church, my and, and now the coaching, sort of my coaching network is expanding, you know, through different avenues. And in I started asking women, you know, like, what, you know, do you suffer with like, self esteem issues? And do you understand what that is, and how do you repair it? How do you build it up, you know, and every single group that I've that I've posed that question to said, Yeah, we're having women specifically, you know, we're, we're dealing with self esteem issues. And so that's kind of what I'm working on and developing, I plan to have some kind of like a guided program. But you see less of that when it comes to men in terms of like You know, self esteem, you know, maintaining their worth, outside of external factors?

That's a question not not so much a statement, I presume? Well, I think men suffer from, you know, different self esteem issues, really, I think a lot of them are, are they trying to live up to an ideal of the picture that they've had painted in their mind for so many years? And and I think that's probably not dissimilar to women, although the pitches are really different, right? Like, you know, a man grows up thinking a man needs to be all these manly things. And sometimes, you know, a woman grows up thinking that she needs to be you know, if it's, you know, career might be in there, but is it a family it's supporting is it all these kinds of things, and then sometimes what knocks us off is then when we hit these roadblocks and or that world that we're creating, or those kind of that picture that we're creating ourself, when those things start to go a little bit off the canvas, we have these real big issues, because we've just grown up every day going, this is the kind of person that I am, or this is the kind of person that I'm building towards. And when that doesn't happen, it's this massive, big kind of slap in the face of, you know, well, you know, I didn't expect that, you know, why have I all of a sudden, you know, failed in this point, like, this is who I am, where it's not really, it's just that ideal, and bias that's built up in your mind for so long. But, you know, a lot of men go, Okay, well, I need to be the provider, that's what they grow up thinking, you know, financially, I need to do that I need to be this brave, you know, person, all these kinds of things. And then they get into fatherhood, you know, and then they might get into relationships that have been around for a longer period of time, you know, whether or not it's partners or wives or, or, you know, boyfriends or whatever it might be. And then those things just sometimes don't line up to what we have been envisaging for so long. And we, you know, if we're not mindful of it, and we don't have clarity of it, and we don't take the time to sit down with ourselves and figure out what's going on, then it can be really confusing and troubling. And that's when angsty anxiety comes up. Because we're just living this is an alignment. And people aren't really clear of like, Who am I? You know, what do I want? What are those important things? This is not just that how, what, why kind of stuff, but like, Who are you as a, as a person? What are the things that you are looking to create? Like, what do you hold dear? You know, where are you thinking about those things are us contemplating the time in your life many years ago, where you are really happy and fulfilled and in a good spot, or you contemplating the time where you know, a went sideways and fear and anxiety came in, and then you start to live that life, that's the emotional connection that you have. And all of these things come up along the way, there is no rhyme or reason for it, that's kind of life, there is no silver bullet, a lot of it is around you. You're needing to do the work. It's all good and well to you know, listen to a podcast, like the ones that we produce, or you know, watch a YouTube video or read a book. But the information is just the information at the end of the day, you then need to go out and do something with it. And you need to be honest with yourself. This is where I'm at. These are my challenges and troubles and go from there.

Yeah. Interesting. Speaking of podcast, I was listening to one this morning, with John Maxwell on there. And he talked about his newest book. And this book, I forget what it was called, but interesting thing about it was that he just, you know, working on creating this movement of basically reintroducing values to people. And what he's doing is he's going into different organizations, even, you know, different countries and meeting with leaders, and the first thing he does is he sits down and, you know, they go through values, identify values, you know, he believes that, that that has a tremendous impact on you know, on decisions we make.

So, that was that was kind of interesting, you know, it's kind of it's kind of what you do kind of like decide or identifying who you are, you know, shedding all these layers and looking inside and ...

Yeah, yeah, like really early on with all of my clients I asked them to create you know, after they've done this, you know, thrive survive crushed dive, which we might speak about at some stage and other but that's around kind of clarity. And then on the back of that I start to ask people to create a headline statement. So a headline statement is the style of life that you wish to live by. So your aspirations, right, these are not that's not a goal, and these are not habits. This is just, here's your aspirational headline statement of life. And these are the things you're talking about. Okay, well, you know, what are the values you want to live by? You know, are you wishing to be, you know, kind, carrying? You know, patient? You know, there were things that I started to reflect back on myself and realize that, you know, I was just not patient with anything. I was always around now. Now Now go go go, you know, so I really needed to reflect back and say, Well, I want my life to have more patience in it, and how do I do those kinds of things. But, you know, going back to your point, you know, values are really important, having a clear understanding of your ambitions is really important. Because until you do that, then you can't create the habits and the day in and day out actions to get you there. And if you like, that's the only way, in my opinion, when I work with people, that's how you go about making change in your life.

Unknown Speaker 15:45
And especially if you're talking about, you know, creating habits, you know, you don't want to have that conflict between values and the habits that you're creating, because they're not gonna be sustainable. You know, so everything really has to be in line.

Luke Fenwick 15:59
And that's, that's, you know, you're hitting the nail on the head, that's where a lot of issues kind of form is that early on in life, our habits are around, you know, get a job promotion, you know, maybe have more money, like, it's that kind of thing. Usually, it's about having, you know, building your life. And, you know, fair enough, that's, that's what we do, right? We go around and create themes. But often, those habits that are leading us in that direction, are not the one in the same habits and values that are leading us into the direction of what happens later on in life, when you start to reflect back and say, okay, am I satisfied with the person that I am, how I engage with people, how I talk with people, how I love how I share all of that kind of stuff? Sometimes they are and sometimes people you know, do a really great job of doing all of these things. But often, we are so focused on one particular area, we head down that path, and we don't worry about this other stuff. And then we go wow. Okay, how did I get here? Now to make some changes?

Yeah, yeah. So interesting. Well, one of the questions that came up on my Instagram, I post a little question, you know, about what people would be interested in learning. And one of the questions was to differentiate between self esteem and self confidence. How would you differentiate those two?

Okay, great. Okay. Awesome questions. So I think, I think self esteem is, is a deeper core value and belief in yourself in regards to doing you know, a sustainable x and a, you know, quality of life and an ongoing, this is the flavor that I'm creating around myself. And that creates a deep a deep feeling of self esteem, who I am, why I'm about what's going on, all of it's more of a holistic thing. Whereas the self confidence, I believe, is probably more more of an in the moment surface kind of pace, I'm confident in this particular thing. And maybe it is a little bit more, you know, subjective versus the other thing, which is a bit more of an entire story. So I think that's probably how I'd come at it. If someone said, Okay, I have, you know, low self esteem of myself, Well, okay, well, where does that come from? What is that story that's driving that that low self esteem? I think that's probably going to be more rooted in past history? versus Okay, self confidence is that a particular thing that you're looking to do is adjust in the moment is a what particular area of life? How do we build up that confidence? You know, more going forward?

Yeah. So if if somebody came to you, you know, and, you know, with having, I guess, there's no really like a scale, but you can't put a number on self esteem, you know, but but but sometimes, you know, you know, that person is, and the person themselves might know, that they're dealing with, you know, self esteem issues, or lacking self esteem. So, what, what would you think, how would you approach that situation? What would you recommend?

Yeah, so the self esteem pace, I think there is that dig into where it started and where it came from. And is that is that self esteem, coming from you is that self esteem, you know, challenge coming from, you know, people or places or circumstance in your life. So digging in and understanding those kinds of things. I think it's also about finding what existed before that self esteem, not being in a good spot. So instead of us focusing on that particular story, whenever that started, how do we go back before when self esteem, you know, was really, really different? So how do we find that kind of connection? Because that's often where we find the power is where do we get the emotional connection and how do we use that to drive us forward so there is that pace. I think self esteem, you can also start to understand and see what else exists around you in the world. So what are what are other people going through that might be able to support you to change that perspective that you have on yourself? Or the life that you are creating? So what does that look like? How do you gain different clarity? And then on the back of it, it's, well, I mentioned it before, it's hum sustainable acts. So if your self esteem is low, then is that because you've been doing particular things? And then what are those, you know, sustainable acts that you can do to take you forward? And then as you're doing them over time, how do you recognize them, and you know, enjoy them and celebrate them? Because if your self esteem has been low for a long period of time, because as I said, you know, people place circumstance, and you've been carrying that for 10, 15, 20 years, it's not going to be, dang, let's change tomorrow. It's going to be a gradual building, uncovering understanding, that's a past story, this is what we do going forward, these are the acts, this is what helps you and then kind of going from there. But I think that's where I start, I go backwards, to uncover before I go forwards. And I do that with any client. I think that's, I think that's just one on one that we all need to do.

Yeah. So I think what I would add to that, and I think that all those are great stuff. So if that particular person who asked us questions, hopefully listening, but I, you know, I'd like this sustainable acts, you know, that's, almost like manifesting the state of your self esteem, almost, you know, or revealing, you know, where you are, but I think one word that resonates with self esteem for me is worthy. I think that for women, and this is just for my conversations, I feel like a lot of women don't feel worthy. And if you never thought about it, if you never questioned, you know, I think just the comprehension that you're equal to every other person here on the planet, that you're worthy, you know, regardless of your acts, regardless of your attributes and contributions, you're worthy as a person as a human being. I think that's one thing I would add and, also, you know, being very much aware of what validates you as a person because if it changes, what's going to happen to you, you know, for example, like work for example, for me, I lost my job and when what happened, what happened to me, you know, I took that validation from external factor, versus validating myself from the inside and understanding that I'm worthy. And, you know, or like a relationship, sometimes people are validated through relationships, you know, relationship goes sour, you know, and then what your self esteem goes down, you know, divorces, things like that, or even kids leaving for college, you know, that can have an impact on your self esteem. Because you've you've found that validation through being a home or caretaker. And so those are just a couple of the things that I that I would add, but I like your sort of like uncovering process and...

Yeah, I think there's, there's nothing wrong, there's nothing wrong with if you are a mum, okay, a mum at home and you take joy out of creating a beautiful environment for your family. Like there is nothing wrong with that and I think sometimes, you know, society we've kind of gone into this space that maybe that's not okay for whatever reason it's you know, you need to do all of these other things and you know, mom's part of it, but x y&z but if that's, if that's what your life is, and that brings you joy, and happiness, and fulfillment and all those kinds of words. And that's beautiful, like, enjoy that. But it's Don't, don't lose the rest of yourself of who you are, and what are important for you. And get it all tied up within that I'm creating this, this for my family, because what can happen possibly, I've got a couple clients that's happening with this at the moment they get later on in life, and your family moves out and the kids leave and relationship with husbands really different and they've poured their heart and soul into that environment for so long. And they've really lost connection with that whole, you know, who am I? What do I really want? And then that's that's when the problems start to exist because like I will, what do I do do next? So always have that clarity on Yes, I'm doing these things and work you might mentioned before, it's really important to not connect with I am this, this part of work, right, connect with I'm at work, I'm doing these things on learning and growing within this role. This is how I'm improving myself. This is what I'm focusing on. Not I'm focused on the job title and the paycheck and meaning that like, you know, when you connect to that internal pace, and same as what I was referring to before, then then you have more of that holistic and ongoing conversation that I'm just focusing on myself to be the best in this particular moment and grow and learn and share and move forward. And that's how that's how you continue to grow and learn.

Now, yeah, that's, that's good advice. I like that. So since you've transitioned to coaching from your corporate world, do you find it satisfying?

Yeah, it's night and day. You know, I have been really fortunate to work in all kinds of different industries over the last 25 years. You know, if I go a few steps back, I worked for LVMH. So you might have heard Louie Vuitton moet Hennessy, Martin Chandon, Dom Perignon, all these kind of big luxury brands. So I worked there for about seven years and did amazing things and, you know, traveled the world and, you know, went to really cool events and all this kind of jazz. And that, for me, at that point, time was, you know, just around, you know, the finance and growing and whatnot. And then I left there and went to Melbourne united the basketball club, like, I love the sport of basketball. And for me, there was a very armed passion and purpose, you know, the passion was, I love the sport, I love saying, or the families enjoying game day, my purpose was to bring the sport back. So that gave me great fulfillment, I left there and went to work for a big advertising marketing agency. And that was purely for the dollars and a good opportunity to grow into a bigger role. But I wasn't fulfilled, and I wasn't happy. And then that created all these kind of other, you know, angst and anxiety within me. But to answer your question, once I once I left there, and then started my own business, like that was full of amazing things, you know, it's full of challenges as well, starting a business, but it was, it's an incredible opportunity for me to continue to grow and learn as a person. And it's, it's an absolutely amazing space to sit down with people and talk about, like, what's happening in your life? You know, how can I help? And what are the challenges? And what do you love doing? And who are you and the things that we mentioned before? And it is incredible, you know, and it's amazing to sit down and, and hear the results that are happening in someone's life and how they are for what's going on. And it's, it's just a beautiful space. And then, you know, to come on and do podcasts like this, you know, with yourself is is awesome as well, because you're just, you're just having a really genuine, beautiful conversation. I think sometimes that's where the corporate world just really misses out is there's just not enough. Yeah, genuine conversation. And I think that's where organizations miss out, because they are so focused on, you know, this particular number or this particular outcome, that they miss some of the things that can absolutely make them from a good organization to an incredible one. And that's how you get the best out of your people. And if you can enable your people to be the best version of themselves in and out of work, and that has a knock on effect that it will impact your business. And I think so many organizations just miss that.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, absolutely. I, you know, I launched my business January 1 of this year, so this is like, I just passed my first quarter.

And I want podcasts to sort of just to kind of start documenting this journey. And yeah, but it's such a interesting creative outlet, you know, and it allows you to create a with completely different group of people like the podcasters, in addition to the coaches, you know, so it's like a completely different, still kind of adjusting to all of it. And then of course, the building your business, you know, portion, there's the, you know, the operation side as well. You know, the marketing, the, you know, then I'm developing my coaching skills. Yeah, so, like, every, every possible direction. Yeah, it's quite rewarding. I find joy everyday coming to my office. I mean, I consider your all day if I could, you know, and just work on my business. I'm loving...

There's so much so much to do you had mentioned before, you know, you continuing to grow as a person and understanding, you know, how you will impact people with coaching is that one thing and then there's the other part about growing your business and then there is the social media stuff and, and I think it's really important for people to be purposeful with their actions relating to their business, you know, when when I'm talking about coaching, so sometimes it's easier to say, Okay, I'm going to spend all of my time on social media and x y&z. Well, is that going to deliver the biggest outcome for you? You know, is that really something that you wish to do? Is that something that's helping you secure clients or business or whatever your objectives are? Is that proving you as a coach. It's like, it's, it's understanding where you will make that biggest impact is so, so important to not get caught up with. Because there's all this kind of social media hype from the people that are spending money on ads to do this and do that. But is that delivering the things that you need versus sitting down having a conversation with someone or writing an article or blog that you can share with a client or a potential client, where you can talk about, hey, these are the challenges that you have as a person, read this article, because this is what I wrote, this is what I feel. read that and if you connect with that, there may be on the right coach for you. So just have a look at the things that are going to deliver what you seek before jumping into it.

Unknown Speaker 30:40
Yeah. How do you structure your day? Now you're kind of like a year into this coaching? adventure? Do you have a full roster do you do you limit, you know, your number of clients, like, if you don't mind, kind of share some of them?

Luke Fenwick 30:57
Yeah so if I can get, you know, four or five new clients a month, that's generally in a really good spot for me, depending on which package they take up, I have a single goal session package, I have a 50 day program, and 110 day program. But that, you know, that 50 day program, he's about five and a half hours with a contact versus the other one, which is you know, around 10-11 hours with a contact, so it's not ongoing. So for me, I like to say this is how many clients that I'd like to try and have, I wouldn't say, you know, notes are more if they come up along the way, because I can always juggle those things. So I'll say that or deliver x when we talk about revenue, if we're talking business, which is important, right, if you're running a business, you need to have a handle on your revenue, and you need to understand your hours and all that kind of stuff. And then I have dedicated time for when I will create content versus when I might be reading versus when I might be doing, you know, some other bits and pieces, as well as these are things that I need to do from a family perspective. Because that was one of the reasons why I've made these changes is that I wanted to be more, you know, present and around and, you know, be a dad, right? So, Fridays, Fridays, for the longest time started to change a few hours now Fridays, for the best part of the last, you know, year and a half. You know, I haven't worked because you know, my boy's at home instead of daycare because my wife, you know, she's a marketing director and a financial services business and right now you can start home on Fridays, and we hang out, we do our things, and we go to the park and like that, for me is really important. But I dedicate time in my diary between this time and this time, I'm doing x and these particular days. So I've got this rhythm and routine. I don't just get up and go right, what am I doing today? You know, I have sticky notes on my desktop, these are the projects that I'm working on. And you know, I use Trello as another program. So these are all the other bits and pieces. So I'm really structured with what I'm trying to achieve, and then sticking to those times, because the days can just disappear, right? All of a sudden, you know, you turn around, he goes four o'clock in the afternoon. Oh my god, I need to start working on dinner. And I haven't achieved everything that I wanted to. So that structure for me is is is key. But I've always had that structure with all of my jobs previous to this.

Unknown Speaker 33:13
Yeah, I think I think that's where the corporate world has been helpful. It allowed me to create structure, understand, you know, when the best time for me of the day is to tackle my most challenging things. So I'm kind of similar as you I'm pretty structured. Um, what about your personal development in terms of coaching? Are you in any kind of like supervision, or are you like pursuing programs? Are you doing anything like that?

Luke Fenwick 33:48
No, no, I did the Jay Shetty course, what started this whole thing years and years ago, I went to a Tony Robbins event, maybe 10 years ago, 15, maybe, maybe close to 15 years ago, I'd met a gentleman in a really wealthy property developer here. He owns nightclubs and bars. He actually owns a Melbourne Cup horse like the winner of the Melbourne Cup from a few years ago, which is a big racing event here. And I had met him and was just talking about how he's, you know, how he changed his life because I was aware that it didn't start off in the position that it was. And he said, I you know, I went to a Tony Robbins event I saw great you know, I'd love to go to a Tony Robbins event. He said all I bring him out like I'm I bring him out to Australia. I'm like, okay, that'd be fantastic. And he said all his two tickets. And I was thinking, you know, Tony Robbins event was a couple of hours one afternoon in Melbourne, and I found out that it was, you know, four or five day event in Sydney. So I had these two tickets. I was thinking it was just two plane tickets, but it was a platinum tickets to sit you know, right up the front and you know, around Tony during lunch and all this stuff. So, that kind of changed for me and I was like, wow, you know, I'd absolutely love to do. You know, this this coaching, but my corporate business was just, you know, flying along my corporate world, I should say I was just absolutely flying along. So I just never, never had the opportunity to really focus into the coaching side of things until I walked away from that. And I said, No, this is what I want to do. So I did the J Shetty course. And then it was getting to the point where I'm like, Well, you know, do I keep on doing more courses and more courses and more courses? But no, like, I was really comfortable with what I'd learned there. And I was really comfortable with my strategy was going to be around tiny habits. There's a a behavioral scientists called BJ Fogg over in the States. And I really love his work. So for me, it was legacy was around tiny habits, how do I help people create tiny habits and go from there. So I'll continue to read, you know, books and learn. And I love listening to podcasts. You know, there's a neuroscientist called Andrew Huberman over in the States. So I love listening to him talk about how the brain actually works, I continue to do those things. But I certainly at this point in time, I'm not looking to do more study, per se, it's it's around working with people and you know, furthering that particular part of developing habits to lead them forward. And that's kind of where I'm based on, you know, working with, you know, people over the last 2025 years is, you know, coaching and mentoring within the corporate world. We tried to do numbers on I think it's like 15,000 20,000 hours worth of one on one time where I've spent with people, you know, working over an expert. Well, yeah, I don't know if it's that we're looking at the 10,000. Now, yeah, I suppose if you look at those hours, but that was part of it is that I look back and say, Well, that was I was always around trying to understand people, how do we how do we help them? How do we get the most out of, you know, them in that corporate space? But often, that was also about just kind of saying, well, what's happening in life? Like, where are you at with that, you know, digging into these things. So it all kind of, if I look back on what's that Steve Jobs quote about looking back to see how you connect the dots? When I look back and see all those things, those dots have connected up into this point in time.

Yeah, yeah. That's awesome. What was what was the name of Andrew? The Americans were assigned? Yeah. Andrew Huberman. I believe I'm a horrible speller. But it's something along those lines. And then the behavior scientists, BJ Fogg. Both incredible incredible. Do you so do you prefer scientific articles? Or do you read more books? Because, you know, atomic habit? I'm sure you read that, right? That's Yes. Yes. It's in my I'm not in my office now. Which is down there. So yeah, fantastic book. Because I think a lot of it's, it's all really helpful. The reason I like the scientific stuff, because I think it's really important to understand how how the mind kind of works as well. And I don't claim to be an expert by any stretch of imagination. It's certainly a lot of the things that I'm really getting into now. But I think we need to understand that stuff. Right? You know, because people will try it. People will try it out, you know, things like, you know, dopamine and just go out. It's the it's the pleasure drug in the mind. Well, that's actually not correct. Like there is equal amounts of pain being released with pleasure of dopamine, which kind of creates that feeling for us to go back that yearning and wanting and like, Where do I understand that from? Well, that's getting into the actual science behind it, the listening to someone like Andrew, so to answer your question, that's why I think those things are really important, because a lot of their self help books that you can read are based on, you know, a theory, or someone's life experience, which is great, right? Because we're all living this life we're trying to figure out as we go along, but when you can start to look at this is how the body or the mind works, then you're like, okay, right. That's interesting things to then share with a client who might be going, look, I have low motivation or stress, okay, here's the science behind it, listen to this podcast, enjoy that, then we can come back and we can get into the things that we're talking about. Who are you? What are you about? What are your habits? How are we creating their headline statement and go from there when they've got a really good grounding on what's going on in their biology?

Unknown Speaker 39:12
Yeah I really liked I've been lately been listening and reading some books on neuroscience, and it's fascinating. You brought up dopamine and stuff and I tell people, I tell women that I talk to that, you know, take that courageous step and you're gonna get little jolt of dopamine, you know, as a reinforcement as a reward. But, but yeah, I absolutely agree. I think understanding the science behind how we work I think is is very, very important. So yeah, yeah.

Luke Fenwick 39:45
Yeah, it's, it's key. It's key really is.

Unknown Speaker 39:51
So, as we wrap this up, um, do you have any, you know, any last sort of thoughts that you want to leave our audience with, you know, based some kind of things that we've covered today?

Luke Fenwick 40:08
Yeah, I think I'll maybe end it with this, if you are, if you're sitting at home, you know, on your couch or in your office and, you know, listening to this podcast, and you do have that, you know, self esteem or self doubt, or fear, or whatever it might be that's flowing through your mind. You know, I want you to know that you're, you know, you're not alone, this is not unique. And this is not a burden that you need to carry yourself. So you know, don't be afraid of those things. There are people around you that can help. But I really want you to ask yourself and think about, well, you know, why not? Why can you not be all the things that you are seeking? Why can you not be the things that you might be seeing in that in the world around you, that is creating some of that fear and anxiety, like you can be all of these things. There's nothing that is stopping you other than yourself. So, you know, don't sit on the couch, trying to think yourself out of this, you know, take that physical step towards the things that you seek. And, you know, when this podcast finishes, you know, get out a piece of paper and a pen or a journal and start to write down, you know, who you are, what you're about what matters? And what is that one small step that you can take today, to head towards that that vision that you seek? You know, how can you start to form those habits, even the tiniest, tiniest one to lead you down that path? But, you know, don't let that story that you created many years ago hold you back from the life that you're looking to create now. And I think that's, that's what I'd like to share with people.

Unknown Speaker 41:48
That's great. I think that's fantastic advice. Thank you. Thank you for being here today. Thank you for coming on, despite your growing family and your own, you know, coaching business. If somebody wants to get in touch with you, what's the best way to to get to get in touch with you?

Luke Fenwick 42:05
Yeah, thank you. Thank you for asking that. So head over to the website. So it's just Lukefenwick.com. You can connect with me there by you know, subscribe, now subscription. So I do a newsletter that goes out every four to six weeks or there abouts. You can, you know, email me via that it has all links to social media. So I do a little bit on Instagram, a little bit on Facebook and LinkedIn too, but also has links to a blog page. So if you want to read some past blogs or even listen to my podcast TWO DADS: a coaching conversation about life, which I do with Sean who also was at Jay Shetty school, so yeah, that's the easiest way to go is just head to the website and then follow the links to wherever you might wish to go in the little universe that I'm trying to create.

Unknown Speaker 42:52
Now, awesome. Well, thank you so much. This was a pleasure.

Luke Fenwick 42:55
It's been awesome to chat.

Unknown Speaker 42:58
Thank you. And thank you for everybody for tuning in today. Thank you so much. Hope to see you next time.

Luke Fenwick 43:04
Beautiful. Bye for now.