Embrace your moment (E1o)

+ Transcript

Conversation for a better tomorrow - Episode 10

Embrace your moment

Luke Fenwick 0:00 What was going on with my emotions for so long is that I would always bottle them up and I would push them down and I wouldn't explore them. And that was a problem. Because I wouldn't explore those things when they would read their head. I was uncomfortable with them and unfamiliar with them. And so that created a lot of you know, angst.

Hello, everybody. Welcome back to Episode 10. A special show dedicated to me. I'll be in the guest seat this week as Sean asks me or whole heap of questions related to the life I have created. from opening cardboard boxes at Myer to massive luxury goods business LVMH moet Chandon Dom Perignon to Melbourne united the basketball club, Dad of two, husband to Julie, this show is from the heart. I hope you enjoy it. Sit back, relax. And let's get to the show.

Oh, we are back. Hello, Sean, how are you? How are you? since our last show. I've seen all over social media. But I believe there's been some warm weather down there or up there in Vancouver depending on which way you go. What was that heatwave like? Talk to us about it?

Sean Oldham 1:28 Yeah, so I didn't didn't give it the fair value it deserved heading in. We did buy a couple extra fans. But it doesn't get close to as hot as it got here normally, right. So like picture like an entire infrastructure that is not set up for you know, like Scottsdale, Arizona heat, or, you know, the outback in Australia type of heat. Like it we blew off the previous record, not by a little bit, right, we absolutely massacred the previous record, like two points. 2.9 degrees Celsius is a large gap to set an all time record by out of nowhere. So yeah, I mean, the family, we huddled downstairs, sleeping in the basement with all of the fans moved downstairs, we sacrifice the top two floors didn't even try to make those comfortable.

I tried to have tests and not even go to the third floor because you know, seven plus months pregnant going into a steam room. Maybe not the best idea. But no, I mean, that resulted in quite a few forest fires. You know, that's the not ideal part. But man, it was it was wild. It just really again, we've talked about some of this on past episodes. But the importance of really looking at our relationship with this planet, you know, like right now, like our economy is largely based on how clever we are and how we can manipulate nature right to conform to us. But I just don't think that's it's showing the evidence is clear that that's not the winning recipe for a long term symbiotic relationship with planet Earth. But I digress.

Luke Fenwick 3:01 Yeah, we are. We are fast approaching. Well, we don't control it anyway. But it seems to be getting more and more out of control. If you have a look at all your forest fires. I think there's some wild kind of weather through Asia, maybe somewhere down in Florida in the States. I think they got some big, big wild weather. So yeah, incredible. Absolutely.

Sean Oldham 3:23 And never Yeah, I mean, let's want the world to get better. Right. But I think I saw on social media as well. bringing that back. You're double vaccinated? Is that you know, is that par for the course is are you guys doing pretty good now? We're where you're up?

Luke Fenwick 3:36 No, I think I'm one of about seven people in Australia who have been double vaccinated. So I kind of say that a bit tongue and cheek. No, we aren't doing really well. I am double vaccinated the other day, double vaccinated with nowhere to go feeling more than anything else, you know, one, there's a health reason why I've done it too, I just would like us to get back to some kind of normality where people can come in and out of the country Feel free to move around and not be locked down and all those kinds of things I know that my wife will not have seen her family for you know, two years maybe even more by the time we actually get to see them because of this whole COVID thing. So it's part of just Yeah, my part to help everybody else and no issues with it all to be quite honest. The first shot or the second shot, no side effects, no feeling of anything. A little sore in the arm where I was injected, but other than that, you know, all good so it hasn't affected the 5G on my phone or anything along those lines at this point in time but I feel ...

Sean Oldham 4:35 That arguments of the the microchip, you know, it's like they don't need to put when in you if you literally volunteer to hold one of these you know, it's like I'm so I hate to break it to you. But if you are signing up for subscriptions, and you know, using this thing called the internet, you're already microchipped, pal.

Luke Fenwick 4:54 They've already got you if, if you're worried about what they'd put into you, then they would have put it into last year's flu vaccination. But Anyway, let's let's not get into that. Because that might No, that's, that's...

Sean Oldham 5:05 We're gonna get on a slippery slope if we go there. So let's get back to it. I mean, this is, this is the story of Luke. This is your story, my friend and I'm going to bring this with me when I lean back a little bit just hold the audio. Correct. But yeah, this is your story, man, this is, you know, getting a little deeper, I'm gonna probably find things out about you today that I don't yet know. But you know, we're going to go and arrange because, you know, people that are, you know, the, to the people that have been following us up until now. Thank you immensely. And, you know, I think they should get to know your stories a little bit better. And this is yours. So how do you feel any nerves? Are you ready to go?

Luke Fenwick 5:44 Um, yeah, I try not to think too much about it. When I first started doing kind of podcasts with people and come on as a guest, I was always, you know, I need to say things in a perfect way. And, you know, how do I not rehearse it? But how am I really clear on my message? Because I think if you look at a lot of people that they get on the podcast, or the interview circuit, they have really clear, nearly scripted kind of responses. But I've kind of try not to do that now. Also, because I think, you know, I still want to keep on exploring the questions when they come to me and not have preempted kind of all this is my response to it. So to answer your question always a little bit nervous, just depending on you know which way it goes. But at the end of the day, whatever comes out of my mouth is what comes out of my mouth. And hopefully, if I speak from the heart and truth, then, you know, that's a good place to be.

Sean Oldham 6:39 No, I like that man. And yes, we with it, with everything being so rehearsed, you know, even from people trying to sell you something on social media, it seems like we just communicate in scripts these days. So, you know, I commend you on that, and just going off the cuff. So let's start, let's start safe, you know, safe and small. Where did the where does the story begin? For you? I've never actually asked you that. So are you, you know, born and raised in Australia? Or, you know, is there is there a story in there that we need to know.

Luke Fenwick 7:07 Yeah, I was, I was born and raised in Australia, I always get these numbers wrong, and I'll get this numbers wrong now. So I am an only child to to john and glennis, john and Glennis came from large families, I think, you know, they'll both one of seven and eight kids on either side of their family. So really large families, and both of them grew up in country locations. So you know, a couple of hours out of Melbourne and, and, you know, dad moved away from his his mom, because his dad passed away when he was reasonably young, but he moved away, you know, maybe in his late teens, or 19-20 or something along those lines. And mum's mum passed away when she was, you know, 12 or something along those lines and wasn't really raised by her dad and, and grew up being raised by her sister, and my auntie Lorna, who passed away a few years ago, so, so big extended families, but then when mum dad kind of moved to the city, you know, I didn't really have a lot to do with, you know, cousins and all that stuff. So I grew up in town, moved around a lot, mostly in Melbourne, lived in Sydney, lived in Tasmania, and went to about eight or nine different primary schools over the time. So, you know, every quarter, eight months, 12 months, we'd pack up, and we'd move to a different location, different promise school, a new set of friends, or maybe even just, you know, kids that I would play with, I think that's, you know, looking backwards. Now, I think some of the issues that I had around relationships was when I was really young, I didn't really form any in primary school, because we just moved all the time. But, you know, grew up in Australia, it's a beautiful place lucky to see lots and lots of this country as well as abroad. But yeah, just a tiny little family.

Sean Oldham 8:49 That's quite interesting. I'm also an only child and my father's name is john. So small world. That in fact, actually hadn't come up yet. So that's, that's brand new. But that's interesting, if I just want to dabble just like a second longer on the, you know, the moving because like, and just the effects of our childhood, like later in life, you know, more and more is coming to light on this subject. And, you know, in terms of the the relationships, right, and the effect of moving along, building on the relationships, confidence, right confidence to go out on your own and be a coach confidence to, you know, just do your own thing, you know, Marcia, the beat of your own drum, how long do to get to a point where, you know, you operate it that way, because from the constantly moving and, you know, having to kind of adapt to new situations. Does that, you know, help or benefit in the entrepreneurial journey? Or was that like something that you had to overcome?

Luke Fenwick 9:43 Well, I think, I think for a long time, I was always a pretty insecure kid. You know, and I, and I say that because, because we moved so much and my relationship with my mother was really strong. Not so much dad like that, you know, you got a pitch your dad was in a different generation to what dads do now. So he was a provider and, and you know, financial kind of stuff. But I was not a very confident kid, I wouldn't think. And I really relied on on mom to be, you know, a guiding light, and then also provide security and all of all of that. So I didn't develop relationships with kids in my own age. And I think that really impacted my confidences, maybe as me as an individual, you know, looking back and how did that impact on, you know, me within standings of, you know, peers? I really believe I struggle with that for a long period of time. And then also, you know, you can talk about, you know, how did I relate to other people from from that age, you know, how much empathy did I have, you know, all of the stuff that I look back now, and look at the things that I do around coaching and reflect back go OK, or really believe that that impacted me, because I just didn't form those bonds. I wasn't there to grow up in relationships with other kids to see, the ups and downs and go through friendships and see what that look like from year 1 to yer 3, because it just didn't exist from an early age, all the way through to year seven. And I think he's seven for us in Australia, I'm not sure if some of these like 12, or 13, or something along those lines. So picture that those first 13 years of life was was not about saying trials and tribulations of others around me, it was a pack of boxes and going to a new location and saying, hey, how are you, you know, my name is Luke. And I'd play for a little bit, and I'll see you later. So I think it had a massive impact later on down the track.

Sean Oldham 11:39 As you say that, you know, like, it just, it makes just me think empathy even more, right, because we all have different things like the the human experience, it's a challenging one, right. And it's one that you know, that's why like embracing the, the growth journey is one of the best ones that you can get on because once you commit to that, it only goes in one direction, right? But it just it makes you think, like have empathy because we have no idea where anybody else is coming from, you know, or what anybody else is kind of been through in the each experience shape somebody you know, so that's one thing that I'm really trying to be conscious of, and, you know, really appreciate you sharing your story. Because men, you know, the more we learn, the more we can also relate on more levels, right? So it's, it's important to share, and I appreciate that.

I also want to dig into a little bit of, you know, your corporate work, because you've got an interesting history there. And you've worked for some pretty high end brands, you've worked for, you know, professional sporting teams as well. And you looked from the outside like there was really no reason change it up. You know, like you You really kind of had some pretty nice roles, like a very, very nice looking resume. So, you know, how does that end up leading you towards coaching right? What was the piece that kind of drove you and you know, why? What did you learn as well in your corporate roles? Like what did you build up throughout your time that helped you in your time in coaching now?

Luke Fenwick 13:07 Yeah, maybe I'll go all the way all the way back to the start, you know, really briefly before we jump forward to the exciting stuff, because the things at the very start weren't weren't exciting at all. So I started off at a department store chain called Myer and that still exists here you know, big department store you know, sites all around the country. And my first role there was a Christmas casual you know, I'd left high school didn't want to go to university and school wasn't for me at all slept in for a while watched a TV show called Donahue I'm not sure if people remember Donahue that was from the states that was kind of pre Oprah Winfrey and Sally Jessy Raphael and stuff like that now I'm showing my age but anyway, so slept in for a while and then mom said go get a job. So I went and got a job at Myer and the first one was Christmas casual just you know working in the toy department and selling you know, video games and soft toys and that was you know, a couple of hours a week eventually got into a full time role in logistics. So logistics was basically moving boxes, you know, unpacking trucks and taking a shoe box out of a cardboard box and stacking it on the shelf and making sure the numbers ran in the right order from size seven to size 12 and all those kinds of things. So I did that for a number of years and we're not a number of years that would have been maybe 18 months or so and then progress from there into a visual merchandising role and then planning and development and then helping do store fit outs and then did a bit of traveling around the country helping out the stores and then got into you know, customer service role you know, when to the big city store then move to a suburban store into a bigger role. So really progressed through that company over, it was a 9 year period always with with Coles/Myer but certainly from basically my tool of trade was a Stanley knife opening a box all the way through to you know, a customer service manager after doing planning development. So, really enjoyed that but it kind of got to the point, you know, what else can I learn? You know, what opportunity? Is there? Did I want to be a store manager per se? No, not really, and had the opportunity to work for a company called jeanswest. So as a regional manager, so now the, you know, clothing fashion store aimed at, you know, anywhere between 18 through to 35, you know, jeans, tops and stuff like that. I did that for about four years. And then I said, No, that's enough... five years, actually, that's enough of retail, again, couldn't learn any more. What was the opportunity to grow? Those were the things that were really, you know, were really important to me at that point time, it was always about growth of role, and it was about growth of wallet. And that was it. So when I looked at those things, and said, I can't go any further, I then got into, I went for an interview and got into liquor. So that's when I started with LVMH, or moet Hennessy, depending on how you want to look at it. So I was with them for you know, seven years. And that was an incredible, incredible job, you know, traveled the world, you know, took people back to France, you know, went to the wineries, you know, ate in fabulous restaurants here parties, nightclubs, you know, VIP rooms and casinos, you name it like that was just Monday to Friday, but it was really taxing too because you're always out entertaining people and dinner would turn into nightclubs and nightclubs would turn into 4am and have to be back at work and a nine o'clock the next morning. So it was a really lavish lifestyle, and really enjoyed it did some beautiful things. You know, we stayed in this amazing Chateau for Dom Perignon once and it was the same room as Scarlett Johansson had stayed in. So it was like, everywhere you turn, there was all this really kind of cool things. But, you know, I kind of look back and say it maybe wasn't the most fulfilling life was a lavish life. Clicquot in the snow and yachts and stuff like that, but I didn't really didn't really feel the soul. So then I had the opportunity to go and work in basketball. And I'd always enjoyed the sport of basketball, you know, passionate New York Knicks fan since you know, 1989 You know, that's one of the reasons why I love New York, but had always enjoyed the sport and met a gentleman called Larry Kestleman. So, Larry customers originally See here, for a bit of context, you founded a internet business called Dodo, sold that for about 300 million, and I think he's worth nearly a billion dollars now. So in Australia, that's reasonably high up. So I met him and he just purchased the NBL with the National Basketball League and said, Look, I'd love to love to get involved in basketball, I really love it, you know, passionate about it, want to bring the sport back. So I said, great, you know, come along, I met Vince Cavalli, the CEO of Melbourne United and, and off we went, I was there for nearly four years, and we took the club from, you know, massive deficit, you know, achieving, not much of its p&l at that point time to pretty much breakeven, four years later, I won't get into the specifics, but you know, really turn the business around, we won a championship, I was there for that. And, and that was brilliant. So all of that was around purpose and passion. left there. MKTG, global marketing advertising agency, paid lots and lots and lots of money for it. And it was the worst decision I could ever make in regards to how it impacted my life. And then that quickly led into the coaching business. So that gives you a snapshot from cardboard boxes to global advertising agency. And that time, you know, mental health was an issue, you know, how I was acting as a dad and, and, and husband was certainly not how I wanted to be. And I was like, okay, you know, we need to make some changes here. We can't keep doing this. And that prompted the Get out of there. And, and where do we go to from here?

Sean Oldham 18:43 I appreciate that. The that gives definitely a lot clearer context. And I'd love to press you just a little bit more if that's all right on, like, the final realizations, because I think that, you know, the whole journey is important. But the these final ones seem to have had some major aha moments, right? Like this, this last job you took. Something happened, that forced reflection on you, right, like something happened that, you know, forced you to kind of like freeze frame and just kind of say, Okay, well, who do I want to be and where am I right? So can you just kind of like, take us into that bubble a little bit deeper. Like what what happened there? Like, what were the revelations that have you in the seat that you're in right now?

Luke Fenwick 19:22 Yeah, yep. So I leave basketball and I go, Okay, great. This job that the MKTG job is going to be one for the next decade or so, like really big an opportunity maybe to you know, it's a global organization. So travel abroad, you know, we've got ambition to live back in France for Julie. So all that stuff, great amount of money. So that was going to enable stage one of some property development that we're looking to do. So all of these tick boxes like financial job, you know, career ambition, but I got there and it was anything but there was real. There was pushback from people within the organization, there was some outward hostility towards me from a number of the large number of the team in the organization and they just weren't buying into anything that I wanted to be involved with, you know, I'd come from outside the industry. So they probably didn't think that I could achieve the role even though I'd achieved all these other roles and probably more complex roles, but I just didn't really want to get into it. There was a really tight culture, you know, a bit of a bit of hate towards me and always someone that they really enjoyed in their organization had been retrenched and restructured, so there was all of this other stuff. And so all of a sudden, I'm faced with, I'm earning all this money, more money than I ever had before. Great, fantastic. But all of the things that I'd enjoyed in work, were now gone. I was not in a team environment, where was this amazing team where we all work together, in in quite the opposite right. They didn't want to work with me versus where I wasn't in the basketball club. So I wasn't able to impact on other people's careers, I wasn't really enjoying the job. And so this just this burning in my mind all the time was just conflict and anxiety, I made the right decision, the wrong decision. Why do these people, you know, hate me so much? You know, why am I not doing this job right? You know, am I smart enough, all these doubts started to come in, it was just this whirlwind of me waking up every morning at three or four o'clock in the morning for months, and months and months, just full of anxiety, you know, sleeping on the couch on Sunday afternoon, because I just didn't really want to think about what the day on Monday was going to bring. And all of a sudden, it's like, well, this is not what work and life is about. I'm not going to do this. Because it wasn't about quitting straightaway. Because I'd never quit on anything, I'd always found a way forward. And I think that was part of the things that really were challenging me is I couldn't find a way forward, I just couldn't seem to be getting any traction and making it better. And all of a sudden, I'm faced with this well, like how far do I push this? Do I stick with it for? You know, one year, two years, three years? Do I absolutely turn into a mess, because at that point time I went, you know, saw a therapist and was talking to them about some of these challenges. And also talking to Julie, my wife, and it was like, Well, you know, this is not going to be part of your long term play, I can see what this is doing to you. I can see what this is doing to us, as you know, husband, wife and family. It's, is it really worth it. And I had a hard and fast No, it was not worth the money was not worth it, sticking it out. Out of an ego driven in I've always succeeded thing was just no, not not this job... that wasn't taking all the boxes, and all of these other things that were important around impacting people, joy, fulfillment, all those words that you hear a lot, it was taking a financial box, as I know, we need to make some change here before the thing that mattered most, which was my family ended up being a casualty of this. And then Julie turns around and maybe packs her bags and says, Well, you know, we're leaving, because, you know, you're turned into a bit of an asshole, because you can't manage your emotions. And I wasn't there. One of the big things too, I wasn't managing my emotions, because reflecting back over a lot of my life, I didn't manage emotions, because I'd always bottle up my emotions and kind of push them down. And then when all of a sudden, you're faced with all these things you haven't faced well in the past, then it creates all of these challenges. And that's kind of what was going on in the background as well.

Sean Oldham 23:28 And knowing what I now know about emotions as well, when you repress them, they get stronger, they don't go away. Like this is the thing about them that you know, some people get in trouble with because it's a it's never been a winning method, right, like a genuinely, genuinely sustainable, you know, long term method to happiness is repressing emotions doesn't get you doesn't get you to that happy place. So no...

Luke Fenwick 23:53 But also, you know, because I don't think that you can leave the full part of the other side of that coin. I don't think you can leave as flat out this is awesome. If you don't have some level of dealing with all of the other stuff as well, I can't put a lens on on one of it. Right? I don't think it really works that way. I do believe that you need to have all of these things and experience all these things. Because when you start to experience those things, and we spoke about at the start, then you have that, that, you know, opportunity to have empathy you have that opportunity to say and be grateful for like this is amazing. And reflecting back on much of my roles. I don't think I was overly grateful for all those things or certainly didn't reflect back on the way in regards to, you know, well, I'm lucky. You know, the stuff I was doing it had some, you know, moet Hennessy in the events that we did and, you know, drinking 100 year old champagne at one stage or another that was just like, Okay, this is Tuesday. No, but, you know, these are things that, you know, not a lot of people had the good fortune to do. But I don't think I really reflected and had that really grateful outlook in regards to Wow, this is amazing.

Sean Oldham 25:10 But when you were in it, it was just normal. It was crazy. The human being, right has an amazing, amazing ability to make their situation normal, right to put it through a normal lens. It's a survival mechanism. Right. And like, that's the thing is like, what you have to turn on that heightened awareness. You know, it's it's like anything, it's a practice, right, like being more present being more aware. You know, what do you think would have been different if you had the lens that you see the world through now? And you went back and experience that role?

Luke Fenwick 25:40 Well, I didn't reflect on any of that. I think that's the biggest thing is that was just, it just kind of rolled on and rolled on. And I certainly think I just would have enjoyed the moment a little bit more, you know, when we won the championship for Melbourne, united in 2018. I'm going to say maybe 2018. I should remember that a few years back, but you know... When we won that championship, and we're out, you know, partying that night and enjoying the spoils of celebration, I was kind of just okay, this is great, you know, but what's, what's next? I wasn't really going. This is just amazing. And I've always enjoyed the sport of basketball. And I'm in this moment, and it's Wow, this is a look at that, you know, I wasn't that I was okay, well, what's next? And that, that is the thing that you need to find along the ways that whether or not it's winning a championship or doing something like the Moet Chandon days, or if it's just about being with your family, and you know, enjoying those moments, that's the stuff that I think is really important that reflecting back that I should have been could have done a hell of a lot more of.

Sean Oldham 26:59 Yeah, and it's, do I but I mean, how grateful Are you that you're actually aware of that now, though, you know, I mean, sadly, a lot of people go through life without making realizations like that, I think you can probably relate. But that's a big reason as to you know, why I do what I do is I want to help people find this moment before it's forced on them by life. You know, there's that Confucius quote, and I know, we're not doing quotes today. And I'm gonna butcher it. But you know, tell me what you think of this one. something along the lines of, "we all have two lives. And the second one starts when you realize you only have one".

Luke Fenwick 27:32 Mm Hmm, yeah. Really true, and are really true, you know, often it comes at the cost of this life changing epiphany when we're like, okay, you know, well, I was nearly going to have life taken away from me or someone's left, or something's been called out, and then you go, Okay, now, these are the times where I need to make change. And that's, that is absolutely what was going on with me was, I could see how much of a mess I was, you know, leg shaking when I'd carry my boy down the stairs each morning, because my adrenaline had been going for hours and hours and hours, and I was just exhausted, and then also sitting across the table from Julie having dinner, and just seeing the look on her face. And that was okay, you know, we need to make some changes here. We can't keep doing what we're doing.

Sean Oldham 28:18 Honestly, man is good on you for making those changes. That's all I can say. I think that I think that things worked out and are gonna continue to work out for sure. Seeing as we're going to grow space, and you know, a big part of what we do is mindset and helping people believe in themselves, right? Because vision. You know, to me, vision is everything. If we if we can't create vision, if we can't create a target, then it's very difficult to go after anything and gain traction. But I was wondering, you could take us through your own personal monkey to man chart, except, you know, this is the journey of your mindset over time. Right? So fixed versus growth, you know, where you're at now, and how you see the world, you know, versus where it once was, like, Has it always been close to mind about, you know, challenging yourself and growth mindset? Or has there been a win at over time?

Luke Fenwick 29:06 Well, yeah, look, that's, that's a really good question. So early on, there was there was always this, you know, how do I grow and how do I get better? You know, I had all those jobs and all those roles. So I was always progressing. So I was always fearing that and if we look at fixed and growth mindset, so big difference there is between the whole you know, learn learning, sharing, or judge and being judged, like that's kind of a big part of it. And for me, even though I was learning and growing, I was really deep down judging 'cause I was always judging myself in a particular way. I was always judging other people. I always had these. If I have failure in this particular moment, then that's something that I'm going to carry forever. So when you talk about that fixed and growth mindset. Yes, there was some growth because of, you know, hard work, but I'd really wasn't doing anything in that mental space to enable myself to kind of keep on improving because it was just this whole, you know, fear of failure, I can't do this, I can't push past that, let's say even let's maybe play it a little bit safe. And so that was a really big challenge for me. And it's still something I need to be mindful of now I'm, I'm more driven by these things that are important. Because I don't know where where I'm doing now. For example, I don't know where this coaching thing is going to take me. But what I can keep on doing is shown up every particular day inside, look, this is how I want to be this how I want to live, these are the values that matter the most, you know, let's keep driving towards this particular thing, and then just keep showing up and showing up showing up. Because we don't know what's down the end of the road. So to answer your question, it's been a, it's been a big, it's been a big, slow growth journey to this point time. It's something that I still battle with in regards to that, that fear, and also that judging piece, but I can see the opportunity that exists to find the beauty and the chance to grow in each particular moment that I didn't do when I was younger. And I think that's something that I always talk to people about when I'm coaching them is that you're going to make a mistake, and that's okay, you are going to fail at stuff. That's okay. And that's not new news, because we all should know that. But if you consider in each particular moment, so how do I how do I grow here? How do I learn here? How do I take this opportunity to understand myself in this moment, that little bit more, to then take a step forward in the next one, then I think that's where you're going to be okay, if you can just do that each particular time, then I think the rest of the stuff will eventually pan out for you. And I didn't do that for a long period of time.

Sean Oldham 31:58 Yeah, and it amazes me how much people resist, you know, a simple approach, because we're absolute fanatics for complex human beings. Right. But the simplest method is so often just, you know, the best method, right? Just don't don't overcomplicate your growth, just Are you moving in the right direction, a little bit better than yesterday. And then, you know, there are systems for days that we can apply. But yeah, it's just that belief, you've got to believe it.

Luke Fenwick 32:26 Yeah. So I think the reason why we overcomplicate things is because we are second guessing ourselves all the time.

Sean Oldham 32:33 Yes, intuition. We don't that thing that like gut feeling, right? That has you feel alive, like your intuition, was not firing on all cylinders, when you took your last job before you entered this coaching space, right? And intuition, it's, the more that I think back and kind of like, reverse plot the diagram of my life, you can almost remember the emotions that you had in certain spaces, and it goes in line with your career trajectory. You know, sometimes you're on fire loving that organization, and it shows in your results. But you know, eventually intuition comes calling. And I think true joy comes from following that kind of inner voice, if you will, whatever you want to call it, but that kind of thing that is either indicating passion, indicating, you know, a love for this thing over here. But I don't know, like, tell me does that played a role like is finally kind of following that gut feeling a little bit more often led to any of this? I'm always curious people's relationship with their gut instinct. You know what I mean? Like our oldest, our oldest friend?

Luke Fenwick 33:35 Yeah, well, I suppose it did. You know, we spoke about this, maybe a couple of episodes ago because you know, did that whole Tony Robbins thing, which was really cool. And I had in my gut, wow, this would be something I'd love, love to do more of, you know, I'd love to help people, I'd love to impact on people's lives. Because that was the thing that had always been, you know, really at the pointy end of job satisfaction in the corporate roles. Now was going about it the right way, when I tried to impact people in some of those roles was the most nurturing you know, person as I could have been? Probably not, I think I would have been a bit of a blunt instrument at time. But in my own way, I was always what how do I get the best out of this particular person? One was get the best out of this particular person to help their career, but also say, How do I you know, move this business forward. So that was something that I loved more than anything else, was always seeing people, you know, get better, you know, move forward. And so, that gut intuition for me, was the really big part of saying why that last job was not right. Because my gut was just going. This is just, this is just not what you want. There's not that interaction with people within this environment. Like that's what I really enjoyed. I love coming to work every every day, always working on the business trying to move things forward, and how do we get around the tide and say Hey, let's create a better outcome, all of that kind of stuff. And when I wasn't getting that at mktg, that's when I got intuition was like, No, no, no, you're you know, there's there's hostility toward you, you're really anxious, you're not getting any of this stuff, follow your gut, your your first reaction is, this is not about grip and grind, and trying to bash your way through it, your first guide is that you need to take some time out and work on yourself and regroup and get your mind right, and start to re evaluate some of these habits, that maybe you had, you know, let go of get that correct. And then go, where do we go from here. And that's when the whole gut, just every conversation I had with people's about, it was just kind of talking more than anything else. And then I spoke to a guy, Adam, you know, I've known him for, you know, 26 years, 27 years, something along those lines. He had been a coach, and spoke to him. And so that opportunity led to me looking at the Jay Shetty school, and then that opportunity to the next thing. And next thing, and I was just all following intuition in regards to, there's a door here, I'm going to open that or it's open for me, I'm going to walk through it and see where it goes. And I'm going to try not to second guess myself so so much. Because if I was second guessing myself, chances are I wouldn't be sitting here today, like, well, we wouldn't be talking or wouldn't if, you know, I wouldn't have reached out wouldn't have said, you know, hey, let's go from there, I wouldn't have become a coach or wouldn't have launched the business, you know, none of those things, you know, it's just for that each and every moment to this point in time.

Sean Oldham 36:32 And, you know, the lesson there is pretty obvious, you know, and it's a pretty, it's a pretty big one, though, you know, if you want new experiences, you do have to go down new roads, you know, you do have to open new doors, you know, go down some different pathways. Because, you know, it forces new thoughts, which in the end, you know, the outcome is new realities. So, you know, you've allowed for a lot of incredible new possibilities to occur as a result of walking down these different roads.

Luke Fenwick 37:00 Yeah, that's right. And you know, you've got to do that doesn't need to be everybody doesn't need to be an extreme in regards to ongoing to, you know, walk away from a job to zero income, and then start from scratch. But you also just need to be looking at some of these things and say, Is this what life is about for me? If I keep on rolling out this recipe for the next five or 10 years, then what kind of, you know, what kind of cake Am I going to bake? And, and that was, for me, it was like no.

Sean Oldham 37:31 And just at its simplest form, to you know, like, we don't get that much of this thing called life, when you really take a step back and try to look yourself third person, you know, so, how much do you want to leave on the table? versus how much you want to take off the table? You know, like, how much do you want to say you've lived? And that again, questions we ask ourself, right? Speaking of questions, though, um, you spoken about your mom a few times, and, you know, I, at risk of getting a little bit too personal, I know that she's had a big impact on you and continues to. So, you know, what are the biggest lessons you've learned from your mum? And how does that influence the direction of your life and what you're doing now?

Luke Fenwick 38:08 Yeah, she, she, you know, she was a huge part of part of life, she was always, she was always there to support. You know, I wouldn't say and she was always there to support and she never judged, like, she would offer advice. But I think her advice was always always from the part of knowing you're really well, and really understanding what kind of words I needed to hear at that particular time. So that was something that she really inner provided, and I think, you know, to this day, are probably still miss as well is just being able to have that that level of conversation with someone in regards to, you know, that whatever comes back is, is from no other perspective, other than to provide some comfort or some direction or what not so, but I kind of looked back at at mums life, and she, she didn't have much of anything when she was younger. So as I said, you know, her mum passed away when she was, you know, nine or 10, or something along those lines, you know, came from a bit of a dysfunctional family, raised by her sister and then created this, this really amazing life and, you know, raised me and I could never have wanted anything, but, you know, what did I learn from her is that that she loved she loved deeply, you know, she certainly enjoyed, she enjoyed life. She, you know, she kind of in the she always just gave her best for the people that she cared about the most and whatever that was, and, and maybe in a way that wasn't the best for her, you know, on reflection that she would put herself second, and I think that's a bit of a valuable lesson sometimes when you need to look at it, but, but my mom was, you know, she built an amazing life. She cared with all she could she had this really really, you know, hard, you know, work ethic, and she did some amazing things. She came from a country town with not a lot of money and she ended up, you know, traveling the world and, and you know, going to beautiful faraway places. And I remember talking to her at one stage and other and she said that she could never have dreamed of half of the things or any of the things that she did later on in life. And that was because she, you know, she just, she worked really hard. And, and, you know, and off, she went, so she was an amazing woman, I miss her very, very much. But um, you know, that's kind of part of life, though, isn't it? And you know, you can't take things for granted. And she, you know, without getting too much into it, she was sick for a long period of time. And then, but we always thought that she was going to get better. And she didn't get better on that last time. And then that was kind of the end of it. And you just don't know, you just don't know when that kind of things going to land on your doorstep. So it's well, you know, you just can't take things for granted. Because we just can't.

Sean Oldham 40:52 But we so often do. Well, right, I think that's a, that's a big part of, you know, again, why there is a self help industry, right expectations not being met by the things we think will happen forever. And it's kind of just easy to get lost in the moment, but not in the way that you would recommend, you know, you just kind of get lost in the day in day out without really, you know, thinking about that. And I as I'm curious your thoughts on this, and, you know, I'm I have both parents still, I'm truly grateful for that. And I wasn't always right. And again, I'm not going to get too carried away here, because this is, this is your show. But one thing that really helps me now. And it's just because I really just kind of want to share this tool is as unpleasant as it is to think about their mortality, and to think about the fact that they're not going to be around forever. I do actually think about that now, like, I look at their age, and I think that you know, okay, well, it's probably unlikely that I get more than another, you know, 10 to maybe 15 summers with them. So let's make the most of it right. And just kind of break it down that way. And that's been something that I'm glad I found out later than never to, you know, take advantage of the time that we do have.

Yeah, I look at, um, I think, I think it is a good way to look at it, you know, you could kind of come at this from all kinds of different angles, but you know, being able to take the time and say, well, am I doing the things now, that that I won't regret later. So what you're saying here is okay, now I might have 10 or 15 summers, or whatever it is, and I'm going to take the you know, the advantage of it, I kind of reflect back now with mom and go Okay, you know, if she was here, you know, what would some of the conversations be that I would like to have had with her, you know, about some deeper conversations, and certainly talked her about, you know, parents and what it's like in marriage and stuff like that, like, we didn't have any of those things. And I think if you do take the time to say, Well, you know, whether or not it's a parent, you know, and someone might be sitting here listening today and saying, you know, I've got a best friend that I haven't, you know, spoken to in two years, or a sister that I haven't spoken to in, you know, six months, because we had a bit of a falling out, you know, is all of that fall out really worth it? Right? Not having some of these conversations that may well be taken away from you tomorrow, and then all of a sudden, you will have those reflections years down the track of, well, I wish I said that, I wish I did that, you know, I wish I had the opportunity to, you know, hold their hand One more time. And these are things that are like back home with mom and just go. And I wish I could say that I wish I could hold her hand One more time, but you can't. So you know, why put these things off, when you have the choice to do something different? Right? You know your egos in the way and that's often what it is, is that we've just got this silly notion in our mind that I can't do that. Because this particular rule that I've got in my head. Now whether or not this is a relationship thing, or if this is a work thing, or whatever facet of life, if you want to try to relate this back to the things that we talk about, but if there's the opportunities there, then don't talk yourself out of it. Because you may well live to regret that and I think that's one of the worst things to have in life is have these regrets of what coulda shoulda woulda happened.

Yeah, missing out in the present moment by not being there, you know what I mean? And that at the end of day is why I practice gratitude. And always look for ways to enhance my practice of gratitude. Because I find that gratitude makes you a little bit more locked into the moment because you're effectively just looking for more things to be grateful for. And it keeps bringing you to what is important. And that is why in more ways than one, I think that you know, like more people need to learn that art because it allows you to miss less of those, you know, amazing moments and awesome. So I do want to go a little bit further and just kind of think about what you're trying to achieve right now. And how do I encompass that in a question. So with the mission you're on, when people are looking back on your story, and they had to kind of tell your story and you know, a couple of paragraphs or a page. How would they tell your story? Like, what is the what is the the impact? You're gonna leave? You know, on this field? Right? What are they gonna say about the about the work that you've done? And the impact you found?

Luke Fenwick 45:09 Yeah, look, God only knows, you know, I try not to try to try out too many cliches here. But I think at the end of the day, I, you know, I'm hoping that I actually do in, in, end up, impacting, you know, a number of lives, you know, firstly, my family, like, that's the ones that matter, most, you know, what was the end of the day, okay, this is what I've done for my family, then that's got to be a good place to start, you know, friends, or, you know, similar kind of place. But the end of the day, I'm trying to do all these things, because I truly want the world to be in a better place than what it was. And I don't mean that in some kind of holistic, you know, hey, the world's just gonna be awesome, because I've lived here kind of thing. But, you know, if the end of it, I can impact on people's lives, that they can turn around and say that their life is better, because I've, I've shared a story with them, I've worked with them, coached them, whatever it might be, then then that's going to give a level of satisfaction for me, in regards to some of the stuff that I'm starting to do around, you know, charity organizations and whatnot, that's all part of it as well, like, I don't want to, I don't want to get to the very, very end of whatever this life looks like and say, I missed opportunities to give more and be more and do more. And that has then not created the space that I want. And that's kind of why I keep on doing these things is that because it's not, it's not a financial thing, I'm not doing all of this stuff to all of a sudden turn around and you know, earn a fortune, you know, if that comes along, great. But for me, I just go, I want to front up, I want to be the best version I can, I want some of this stuff that I'm doing to be able to be shared with my kids at some stage or another. So maybe that helps them learn a little bit more, maybe they enjoy that a little bit more. And then I put every single person I work with, now I look at, you know, the reviews they write and the messages that I get from them. And that's, that's what life's about. Like, I think you've got to be here to help help people around your ride, if you've got the opportunity. And not everybody has the opportunity. And I don't take this for granted. And I don't take it lightly. I'm I'm here now, for whatever particular reason, however, it's, you know, been delivered, if you want to get into that stuff, and I feel I've got the opportunity to, to help people. And I'll continue to do that as best I can. So I look back at the end and say, you know, I gave it a crack? I tried. And, you know, we'll see where that takes us. I suppose. Not sure if that question or not? I don't know.

Sean Oldham 47:41 I mean, it was a it was a big one that was going to allow you to go in a lot of different different directions, right? But basically, yeah, the the, the biggest thing that I just kind of wanted to, to kind of do is give you an ability to, you know, reverse engineer, you know, what's going to be the legacy left behind, cuz I know you're big on legacy, and, you know, what we're trying to help people create. And, yeah, I love that, right? Like the mindfulness, the the, the the processing, and being more of an active participant in life. So, you know, as we as we make it towards, you know, the, the end here as we get towards because I think we're, maybe we're approaching the hour, so I want to kind of start to frame this, as, you know, approaching the finish line kind of question. But as you've gone along this journey, it's obvious that, you know, your ability to kind of process emotions and think through things has has improved, you know, along this road, and, you know, definitely is much more likely, I believe that you're going to have better results in life, if you take a moment or two to, you know, process what is happening and not just react to life. So, you know, how has that helped where you are now, right? Like the just as you've kind of gone through each kind of lesson and taken the time to kind of slow down and process your emotions. And you know, how do you how do you work through this with clients? And like, how does this have an impact the whole growth journey, how you process things in real time, and you know, how you help clients do that for themselves as well?

Luke Fenwick 49:09 Yeah well, I think for me, it's, it's trying to understand, understand, you know, what I stand for, and the things that that matter most and when you get really clear on those things, and it's not necessarily it's fixed. But when you start to understand those things, more than that starts to lead you in a particular direction. What was going on with my emotions for so so long is that I would always bottle them up, and I would push them down, and I wouldn't explore them. And that was a problem. Because I wouldn't explore those things when, when they would read their head. I was uncomfortable with them and unfamiliar with them. And so that created a lot of, you know, angst or confusion or, you know, terror or whatever you might want to talk about in that extreme situation. So for me, it's how do I continue to really delve into, this is what I stand for. When I stand for this, this then drives the choices for for life for me. And if I'm really comfortable with those things, then I've got to look at it and say, I'm heading in the right particular direction. And how do I keep on embracing these emotions along the way? Because I think the important part about me embracing my emotions is as my kids get older and older than that's something that I can share with them as well, in regards to just the emotional journey that we go on as humans, and making sure that we're not just bottling these up and pushing them aside, and not enjoying these things as best you can. So, you know, they're the things that I just want to keep on working on every particular day, values, my choices. You know, as you said before, my legacy is really important, you know, how do I help people shape their own legacy that maybe you've never asked those questions as well, like, a lot of people never, never say, well, when it's all said and done, what is the story that I've created? And what is the impact I've had? So that's an important part. But certainly, certainly exploring emotions, it's, it's, it's got to be a daily thing for me, because I've pushed her away for so long.

Sean Oldham 51:22 Yeah, the avoidance method. It didn't work for me, and I don't think it works for most humans, it leads to a little bit more internal conflict than, than any type of anything you could call freedom. But, yeah, I mean, so what is, you know, speaking of conversations for a better tomorrow, you know, how, short term here, the next year out? what's what's on the horizon? For you? How are you going to, you know, drive your mission through this next year, and in the short run, you know, help people with their legacy and just, you know, help this world get a little bit better?

Luke Fenwick 51:55 Yeah, these look, there's a lot going on with the business. At the moment, if we want to look at at that particular perspective, you know, I continue to try and try and learn my craft, you know, every single day, how do I keep getting better and better there, the business itself, you know, just about to start to do some online coaching stuff. So there'll be some group sessions just about to launch an executive program as well. So something that you know, goes over a six month period, so there's a lot going on there, you know, so that'd be a really big focus for me, but I think more than anything else, it's also just enjoying the time that I have as a dad, as well. So now I've got a little girl who's three months old, Evren's just turned three, you know, Julie's on maternity leave, until you know, next year, and now that I'm doing my own thing, just making sure that I'm around to enjoy that, right. Because that's never, I never thought I'd have the opportunity to be around. And, you know, see so much of the kids growing up, and I'm so, so grateful for that, you know, when we talk about gratitude, because I just, you know, I'm here I'm not in an office at eight o'clock in the morning, getting home at seven o'clock at night and missing all these kinds of things I'm doing drop off and pick up I'm doing baths and occasional bath, I probably need to bath her a little bit more. But you know, that's another story you know, change nappies, all this kind of stuff. So, you know, life for me is the coaching business will continue to get bigger and bigger, with more arms coming into it, the family side of things, I just want to keep on enjoying the time as, as best I can with the kids as they grow up and, and help everyone you know, a find his way to he's, he's just turned three. And you know, he's, he's a really inquisitive, emotional, little man. And you can see him just just working stuff out. So I just want to make sure I'm around for that and be the best version I can. And, you know, it's not easy, right? Like, I don't sit here and say that I am a calm, cool collected the person that you might be hearing at the moment, on the other end of Spotify or Apple, let's say I'm calm, cool, collected every single moment of the day, I'm not like, I get frustrated, I get tired, I get emotional, I get, you know, worked up on a Sunday afternoon when he's been home for three days. And he's taken every single thing out of every single drawer in the house, like but, you know, that's, that's part of life. And they're the things that you've just got to embrace and try to find that little bit of, Hey, you know, this, this is part of it. It's okay, this will pass. You know, enjoy it as best you can. Because those moments don't last forever. And I think that's one thing that all of this stuff, you know, when I reflect back on kind of life, and and parents and mum and stuff like that is that these moments don't last forever. They all have a conclusion to it. And if you don't embrace them along the way and get every drop of juice and energy out of them, then you're doing yourself a disservice and you're doing a disservice to the people that are around you. So you know, maybe that's a bit of a takeaway from everybody's just just get into that little bit more, you know, don't, don't be focused on the stuff that's going to happen two minutes or 10 minutes or two days down the road. You'll get to that, don't worry about it, it's coming. Just Just sit where you are, be where you are. You know, and enjoyed as, as best you can. while you can. Yeah.

Sean Oldham 55:26 I think that's a pretty good advice to live by. And honestly, I think I'm just gonna leave it right there, Luke, because you know, that's a pretty good way to end, send it off. And I think the the story's been pretty well explained. So I just want to say thank you, thank you for being so open and honest and sharing your story. And I'll jump in and get started here. But I just want to thank the listeners as always, and Luke, this is usually your part. So you know, what do we say next year?

Luke Fenwick 55:52 Oh, well, yeah, absolutely. Thank you for listening. As you said, we'll see you I think in two weeks with our first guest, our first guest other than us being guest on the show, so you will have caught that But anyway, till then, be safe, be present, be you and Sean?

As always be fulfilled. And we'll see you soon.

Alright. Bye for now.