Do you consider yourself a perfectionist?
4min
Do you live in the land of “it must be perfect”?
50% of the people I coach identify as perfectionists. Early on in life, they wore it like a badge of honour, a behaviour that will lead to success BUT more often than not, it actually makes it harder for them to achieve defined goals and can lead to anxiety and other mental health concerns.
More often than not, it’s not about trying to do something the best way ever, it is about getting a stamp of approval from someone else. Here are a couple of reasons why perfectionism could be present in you:
Family or culturally driven expectations.
The style of parenting you were raised in - were they demanding high standards or even perfectionists themselves?
See, the seed of approval can be planted from those sources, family, friends or society in general, it very rarely stems from inside of us!
Question: Have you ever said or felt the need to just check that email or document 700 times before pushing send... just to make sure it’s letter perfect?
Think about it, does it take far too long to complete a simple task because you are going over it again and again? Or even starting in the first place is like being stuck in quicksand.
Mmmm... Have you ever had the opportunity to do something which could be memorable or game changing yet used the excuse in your mind that “it has to be perfect and right now it’s not” and “because it’s not, it just won’t cut it so why bother?”
So in essence you gave up before you began due to unrealistic expectations placed on you, by you?
Now, that's BS!
B is for Behaviours
If you doubt what you just read, here are a few more ways that this might show up in you... just to be sure.
Do you have thoughts like...
What will they really think of me because of this piece of work? Their opinion defines me.
Anything less than perfect is failure.
My mum always said I was the perfect child - better uphold that forever.
Do you often...
Compare yourself to others in an unrealistic and supercritical way?
Don't actually try something in public, for fear of making any error?
Or do you...
Fear of disapproval, feeling of insecurities around others leading to inaction.
View the end result (which has to be a success, of course!) as the only part of the process that matters? Ignoring the growth, learning and experience along the way...
C'mon, that's real BS!
S is for Strategies
If you recognise yourself in that, here’s what you can do. Dig in and gather some more information by asking yourself:
Where did this likely start?
What problems does perfectionism cause in my life?
What is it actually holding me back from?
Is the internal conversation helpful? Only limiting? Or destructive!?
What is my inner perfectionist protecting me from?
Where does this really show up? Areas such as work, home, physical activity, how you speak with people, all of the above.
Then create a few actions:
Find one thing that is ok to leave unfinished or imperfect.
Celebrate the mistakes as knowledge gained instead of opportunity failed.
Try to enjoy the process and experience of progress vs the destination of perfection.
Be clear with realistic expectations before you begin, commit and stick to them.
Embrace your weakness(es).
In the end, perfectionism is not helpful. It’s not realistic, it’s toxic to our minds as it’s an impossible standard to reach.
No one is perfect... never has been, never will be. Be kind to yourself and move forward.
Someone else said about this
"Perfectionism is a refusal to let yourself move ahead. It is a loop — an obsessive, debilitating closed system that causes you to get stuck in the details [...] and to lose sight of the whole."
Julia Cameron
Perfectionism is a burden in disguide
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